Sometimes things happen in life that have a tendency of tipping us off balance. Quite often it is the action of someone else or possibly the inaction of someone else, when we hope or expect for a certain outcome to a situation. Hope has a devious tendency in that it gives us expectations and those we sometimes project onto other people. That means our life becomes dependant on other people’s actions. It’s also maybe not so fair to hold expectations that others should do things that fit us. They should do the things that fit them, but for people fully aligned those two will likely correlate to some extent. We can choose to not hold expectations or let go of hope, but then, hope is quite a nice thing to carry. However, hope put as pressure onto someone else can easily become manipulation and that means that we try to control another’s life experience to fit us, which isn’t really nice.
To live completely detached from an outcome is not particularly easy, especially if you still like the concept of hope and in the idea with us creating our own reality, hope becomes one tool of holding the image of what shall appear in our lives. It becomes the first part to dreaming a dream real.
Sometimes things don’t work out as we have thought they would and sometimes it completely tips us of balance. Sometimes it might be us, ourselves, doing it to us, through action or inaction, depending on what kind of person we are.
In horse riding you learn fast you are responsible for everything that happens. If the horse doesn’t do what you want it to do, you cannot blame the horse. It is you who haven’t been clear enough in showing the horse what it is you expect of it. If the horse does something out of its own will, you haven’t been clear enough showing your own intent in the situation. You can never blame the horse for your own shortcomings. In our lives it is very much the same. We are solely responsible for ourselves. No one else is. What happens to us, how we react, is our own responsibility too. When life becomes too overwhelming it is sometimes because we re-act, to others’ actions or reactions or inactions or our own actions or inactions. Sometimes it causes tremendous stress on our selves, on our insides and sometimes that stress is what makes us act and push ourselves out of an uncomfortable situation. It just has to become uncomfortable enough in our comfort zone, for us to step out of it.
When our sphere becomes turbulent and we don’t understand what happens or why, there is one thing we can do that can help and which gets easier each time we do it too. It is to reside in our own core. It then doesn’t matter if we don’t understand why things happen the way they do or why people act like they do. That is their choice. What matters is our own truth, our own basic values and what is in our core, because those things don’t change when the outer settings change. In that core we are us, independently of what others do. Eg: If someone is mean, we can re-act with being mean back, or we can look at our core and see if that emotion really is ours and if not we don’t act it out either.
A classical issue for many is to be in love with someone who doesn’t display love back. That can be emotionally difficult, but in that situation we can do the same thing. Do we love that person for what s/he is or only for what s/he can give us? In the first we reside in our own core, in the latter we re-act out of outer settings. It also becomes a question if we want someone for what s/he can give us, or if we mainly want to give to that person. That in itself can be quite revealing of what our true motives are.
There is a very comforting and grounding feeling in knowing where you stand independently of where everyone else is in a certain situation and to be aware of where your core values lie. It can also become a practise of grounding, to reflect on what the core values are before responding or reacting to a situation. In the case of loving someone maybe it doesn’t matter what the person does or doesn’t do (unless it is to hurt you on purpose, in which case it’s often best to retreat fully), the love you hold is still beautiful and you can thrive in your own love. Naturally it’s nice to have it mirrored back, but instead of subjecting to the victimhood of suffering under unresponded love, we can enjoy our own part in it. Eventually we can maybe choose to let it go, if we wish, if there is nothing in there of what we hope for.
In the same way we can look upon any situation or person and see what we hold in our core for that and live from that, instead of living as a reaction to events going on outside of us. Instead of living in the turbulence of others we stand grounded in our own core, of who we are and what we believe in.
